Day #31: The one with floating tortilla chip

First off, I (Jake) want to take this opportunity to greet the blog readership. I've been a little MIA over the last couple of weeks, and my beautiful & talented wife has really kept this blog afloat. So please join me in thanking her for keeping you all in the loop, and also celebrating what a truly great writer she is. (She didn't want me to write that, but I think it's necessary). OK without further ado, onto our joint day 31 post.

We've made it a month people! Yep, no matter what calendar you are using, we've been here a full lunar cycle. Well actually we have no idea about any other calendars but we've been here a month, just take our word for it. To celebrate this magical anniversary, Jake decided to work from home. No, this had nothing to do with the extended happy hour that was thrown for Jason the night before! No, there were not copious amounts of alcohol consumed in his honor! The working from home was strictly in celebration of the one month anniversary of our arrival. How dare you think otherwise!

It was a lovely day to say the least. We woke up, Jake got to work (on the couch!) and Shayne went on her run (still going!!!). The phone rang nice and early and it was Venice calling with an Easter miracle. The plumbers had not taken off for their Easter bank holidays as of yet, and we would be graced with their presence at 1:30 (13:30). The day went by without event, until we got a knock on the door in the early afternoon. Sure enough, Trevor and the middle eastern man #1 & #2 were back to fix our sink. Luckily the issue was just a matter of properly routing the piping to the proper drain. Who would have thought. Good thing we brought in professionals to solve this mind bender. The tortilla chip was obviously the smoking gun in this situation. After approximately 11 minutes of work, low and behold our sink/washing machine issue was fixed, and the money pit revival crew was on their way.

Jake finished up his work for the rest of the afternoon, and Shayne got ready to head out with Margaret for high tea. The tea was set at The Wolseley for 4:00 (because, let's be honest...what else would Ladies of Leisure do at 16:00 on a Thursday?). Whatever you are envisioning as a British tea party, this would qualify: Porcelain teapots, sweet little cups, all of the tea tools (we totally acted like we knew what these were), and a delicious serving of scones that would blow your mind. Frilly: yes. Girly: yes. Lace: everywhere. Madhatter and Tea Mouse worthy: no question. UK - the L.O.L.'s have arrived.

* Photos of Margaret and Shayne at the Wolseley having tea for two. Technically, photos were not not allowed, but a few were snuck in. We almost got kicked out, but totally worth it!

Jake and Ben joined the ladies down in the Piccadilly Circus area (on the wedding route!) and headed out for a little happy hour! Amidst the tourist hell, we managed to find a pub that served 2 pound pints. Tourists or not, that's a great deal, so we stopped for a couple rounds. We caught up on the latest happenings with the Levine's and decided that dinner was probably in order. We strolled through the streets and stumbled upon a great little Mexican place. We usually don't throw around the term 'mexican place' very much here, as usually it's just a plate of soggy imitation tortilla chips covered in some tomato like paste that they try to pass off as salsa. Why is there sugar in the salsa? Why? Well luckily El Camion is fairly legit. So they get to keep the 'mexican place' title for now. We had some Dos XX, some Negra Modelo, and even a Tommy's Margarita (which almost brought a tear to Margaret's eye - given her fond memories of the San Francisco establishment). Moment of silence for the owner of Tommy's (who we can only guess was named...Tommy) who just passed away last week. A marg was had in his honor.

* Two dollar pints on the street - awesome!

After a decent passing for mexican food, we headed further down the streets of Soho. Wouldn't you know it, we first passed through the Hillcrest of London (note: Hillcrest is the notoriously gay friendly area of San Diego in which we happened to live & love). We were both right at home, and it was all we could do to keep Shayne and Margaret from diving into the first rainbow filled bar to bust a move on the dance floor. We then turned the corner and were greeted by the London China Town. Turns out Saki bombing is not quite as common here. Maybe that's a Japanese thing. Either way, we found a local pub, and proceeded to share common interest stories. Most of these started as funny stories about Chase Thompson (as he is the common thread between The Singleton's and The Levine's), but what we quickly realized was that the stories were veering off track, and then completely derailed into a tail spin of bathroom humor. We can't tell you why, but for some reason we told over an hour's worth of stories on the subject, each funnier than the last. We won't mention any specifics here (taco bell, liter boxes, purses...oops - we weren't supposed to mention specifics!) because some of our readership have stronger gag reflexes than others, but either way, it was hilarious. As the clocked ticked closer to Friday (we love you bank holidays!), we said goodbye to the culture of Soho and boarded the tube back to the Angel area.

* Out in China Town - Ben, Shayne, Jake, and Marge

Lesson's Learned: 1) When routing drainage pipes from kitchen sink, go around the dishwasher - not through it, 2) When installing a dishwasher, place it in the laundry room, not right next to your kitchen sink, 3) Poop is funny.

Day #30: The one with the money pit - Part 2

Since living in the new flat, we have really been pleasantly surprised with our washing machine. As the rest of the apartment crumbles around us, the washing machine has really stood strong and held her ground. We have to give her some credit. When we thought all hope was lost, she would pull through and do a tremendous job washing one pair of pants and two t-shirts!

It wasn't until Sunday, on the tube, that we started to second guess our bubbly friend. We were on our way to football in the park when Shayne smelled something somewhat sour. Getting a jizdenky whiff is nothing out of the ordinary; however, this whiff was vaguely familiar. It took her a minute to place it and then she realized that she recalled the smell from her run the previous day. Slowly, the dots started to connect in her mind. Horrified, she leaned over, discreetly smelled Jake's shirt and noticed it was him who smelled a little bit off. As the pieces began to fall into place, she was also forced to acknowledge that on her run, she was the source of the sour whiff. Our clothes were really smelly!

We Sherlock Holmes-ed it when we returned home later that day and were able to isolate the smell to a load (and by load we mean 4 items!) of darks Shayne had done a few days before. She chalked it up to a washing machine anomaly. These clothes officially qualified as true European Jizdanky, and were now due for another wash.

Sidenote: Up until this point, Shayne had not paid much attention to the bit of excess water that was forming every few days in the bottom of the washer. She would use a plastic cup to scoop it out into the sink and go about her day. Looking back - did she really not think that was weird?

Anyway, Tuesday night, we had gone to do a load of laundry and, when we opened the door, FILTHY water was just pouring into the kitchen. We shut the door quickly to trap the water inside and stood there with soaking wet socks. Shayne called Jake in to investigate the excess water situation. With our amazing sleuth we quickly realized that there was a soggy tortilla chip floating in our washing machine. Odd you say?!? Agreed. Turns out that our dirty dish water was conveniently emptying into the washing machine. Given the shorter amount of piping required, we can understand why the fantastic English plumbers would decide to route the dirty dish water this way. Much similar to the 1:7 ratio, it also appears that the plumbers like to use 1/7th of the amount of piping they need to do a proper job.

Needless to say, Trevor was called Wednesday morning (we've lost count of the amount of calls placed to Trevor and Co at this point). Here's the great part...Venice (Nice Landlord Lady, not the city) listens to the problem, and here are her three solutions: 1) Get a plumber to come out after the May Day bank holiday (note: May 2nd, or 13 days away); 2) She thinks outloud, "Well is the plumber really necessary? Aren't you just going to add soap to the dirty water anyway?!?" (Yes, she actually said that). In our minds we were thinking, 'Not really sure, some purple lilac soap is going to eliminate last night's left overs from emptying into our washing machine.'; and the grande finale 3) "Why don't you just wash the dishes in the bath tub?" Yep, the Money Pit ladies and gentlemen.

To summarize, as we write this Shayne is washing our dinner dishes in the bathroom sink. Delightful.

Lesson(s) Learned: 1) Don't be so quick to judge the Jizdankies, sometimes it might be you; 2) Believe it or not, washing your clothes in dirty dish water does not result in Bounty Freshness; 3) Bank holidays are pretty serious here.

Shayne's Day #29: The one with the off-roading

Goals for Tuesday: backpacks and kids! No, we have no big PERSONAL kid news to share, but I did have my first skype date with my 5th graders. Knowing I had to be back home and in front of my computer by 4:00, I planned the backpack trip accordingly. I had to plan accordingly because...the backpacks were at the Tesco Extra...next to IKEA. Are trains, busses, and rows of cardboard boxes flashing through your mind? Yes, yes, me too.

This time, I left the house prepared. No over the shoulder purse for me - instead, a side satchel to keep my hands free. Close-toed shoes - definitely. Large shopping bags - no question. Stop watch to keep time - around my neck. IKEA/Tesco strap on tool belt with whistle, fog horn, travel game for the train, and inflatable car for the drive home - I wish. Entrance to the tube 10:00 am on the dot. Ahead of me - 3 tube changes, 4 trains, a bus and a hike. The first two tube rides were right on schedule, but the Central line really needed to speed things up. When I finally got on my last train, the stop watch was staring me square in the face. I needed to get a handle on my schedule. I knew I had the horrible bus ride ahead of me, so instead of sitting quietly, I told hold of my life. Sitting next to me was a nice looking lady who looked very local. I started up a conversation and soon enough, learned that she worked at IKEA in the accounting department. Let's be honest, if you weren't going to IKEA (or worked there), why would you still be on the train? After a quick Jake/accounting connection we were instant friends.

I capitalized on her IKEA knowledge and asked if there was a way to get there if I bypassed the bus trip. Sure enough, she knew how to do it. Now, when Jake and I went a few weeks ago, we tried to find walking directions from the tube stop. But, google maps looped us around a few miles out of the way - hence the bus. This lady knew what she was doing. We started through a nice enough neighborhood and then she ducked behind a hedge - A HEDGE! We had to turn sideways to get through. A few baby steps and we were on the other side. We scaled a soccer field, crossed a bridge, and ended up in the Tesco parking lot 10 minutes later. I was amazed (and now clear why Google maps had a tough time!). 11:30 entry to Tesco - right on time! I did my shopping: 2 travel rucksacks (yes, I am adopting the local lingo), a shower organizer, earphones (mine practically exploded on the plane), under the bed organizers, a toothbrush holder, and light bulbs. Unfortunately - still no doorstops. I think we are destined to either A) Prop our doors open with empty lotion bottles for the next two years or B) Open a door stop store in downtown London. I will keep you posted.

On the way home, I did end up on the bus. I didn't think that sneaking between hedges with two full backpacks and bags was the best idea. 45 minutes into the bumpy journey, I did wish that my little IKEA friend had been there to show me another secret passageway. After almost an hour on the bus and another train ride, I did throw in the towel. My stop watch was quickly approaching 4:00 and I got a little nervous about missing the kids.

I exited the tube at Baker St. and shamefully grabbed a cab. More expensive - yes, copout- yes, the easier way - no question. I flew through the door at 3:59 and signed on to skype just in the nick. The stop watch beeped and my fabulous 5th graders were staring into the screen!

It was so great to see them and they were so cute. They all had questions ready for me including, "Are there stairs inside of Big Ben?" "Do the kids in London speak English?" and "Did you get a dog yet?" My day was made.

FYI - Jake and I have matching backpacks. We tried to buy different ones before leaving the states, but ended up accidentally ordering one for Jake that was large enough to fit a house inside, and one for me that would have barely fit a book. Hence, the matching Tesco backpacks. I have this comical vision of us walking through Italy with our matching backpacks, we catch a chill and put on our matching North Face jackets. It would be very Brady of us!

Lessons Learned: 1) IKEA off-roading saves a good 40 min. on the journey, 2) Matching outfits has its charms, 3) Kids will make your day...everyday.

Shayne's Day #28: The one with the box

Monday was not a terribly exciting day. I have no crazy stories to share or any comical encounters with new British habits or trends. I can, however, assure you that as I tried to book travel arrangements, apply to schools, and get information regarding back-ground checks and National Insurance #'s - the 1.7 ratio still stands!

I have received lots of great information from all of the schools and am looking forward to getting some things squared away as soon as all of these bank holidays are over. The schools here align their spring break with the Easter holiday so they are all off for two weeks and go back on May 3. It seems like as soon as they go back, I will be able to get this sub stuff together. I keep telling myself to enjoy this time, but in the end, I am really ready for snotty hands, messy paint, sand boxes, and tiny pencil stubs with no erasers :)

The good news - Monday night was exciting because our box of Mexican cooking supplies arrived from Arizona - GO MOM!!! Well actually, it arrived earlier last week. If we are being honest about it, it arrived the Monday before we got it. First, there was a problem because 'Flat 1' was written below '24 Almeida St.' instead of the other way around. So, they wouldn't deliver it. Then, I called and they could not find the box in their inventory. I tried 'Shayne Singleton,' 'Jake Singleton,' and 'Shayne and Jake Singleton.' Nothing. Finally, the lady told me that they had one for 'Jake and Shayne Simgleton.' I said, "THAT'S IT!" However, FedEx lady replied with, "Unfortunately, I can't deliver it because I know that's not actually your name!" Of, course, I was not surprised at all! So, Mom had to call to correct it. I called back on Wednesday or Thursday and this time, the lady said that they had no record of the box whatsoever. I got to the point where I kind of assumed a british FedEx employee was sitting in a warehouse eating our Mexican food. So, Saturday, there was a knock at the door. It was our neighbor. She had signed for the box a few days ago! At first, I was just overjoyed. But, then I got to thinking - wait! They wouldn't deliver the 'Simgleton' box to 'Singleton,' but they handed it over to OUR NEIGHBOR! HA!

So, with the box delivered, we started to plan our big Mexican feast for Sunday night. However, when we got off the train on Sunday evening from the football/pub day, all of the grocery stores were closed (that's good to know!). Then, on Monday, I ran (like literally) to the store and got everything we needed. When I went to check out, my debit card wouldn't work. It was like the Mexican food God's were working against us! Finally, Jake went back to the store on his way home (with a different debit card!) and we were able to enjoy our taco feast. It was amazing. We enjoyed tacos, REFRIED BEANS!, rice, sour cream, and even guacamole. You have to get creative here and call for taco seasoning and refried bean reinforcements, but in the end, a Mexican meal can prevail! So, here's to flavorful ground meat, lemony crisp beach beer, and greasy taco shells. Europe - you might have great cheese, but America - you know how to rock a Mexican feast!

Lessons Learned: 1) The grass is always greener on the other side, 2) FedEx might be an American company, but their UK affiliates are definitely british. 3) All jokes aside - London rocks!

Day #27: The one with the pug play-date

Sundays in London are one of a kind! Everyone is out and about, the parks are full, the shops are bustling, and the markets are plentiful. Today was Jakes's football game in the park and it was a special week for the flag footballers. Stuart and Kate, as well as Jason and Erin, are on their way back to the states and it was their last game. We have only known them a few weeks, but are sad to see them go. It is tradition that the group has a BBQ picnic when someone is moving home. So, the typical lovely Sunday was bigger and better than ever!

We headed to the park around noon and Jake went ahead while Shayne went to find the public toilets - aka bathrooms - (surprise, surprise). In an effort to avoid last week's inability to walk for 4 days, Jake had committed to arriving early to stretch. So Shayne found a restroom and was on her way over to the EY section on the grass. Up ahead she noticed a little girl (probably 10 or 11 years old) walking around hunched over and clicking her tongue. She looked around to see what the girl was doing and didn't see anyone. "Is the girl ok?" Shayne thought to herself. As she got closer, she realized the girl had bread in her hand and was looking into the bushes around the sidewalk. All of a sudden, a squirrel came out of the bushes and reared up on his hind legs. Shayne's eyes got wide, she did not want to associated with this scene! "Don't you know how crazy those little creatures are?" Shayne wanted to yell. She pictured the WORST! The girl proceeded to crouch down - almost eye level with the daemon squirrel - and fed the thing out of her hand! Shayne quietly scooted behind the girl and vacated the scene. Close call...close call.

Shayne made it to the grass and settled on the blankets next to the ladies. The boys had started their game and were in the first few minutes of play. All of a sudden, Jason starts yelling, "Stop the clock, stop the clock!" Jeff had tried to catch the ball and jammed his finger...really bad. They all ran over to help get his finger on ice, Shayne saw it, and almost fainted. It was one of those things that is so gross that you have to look away, but then can't force yourself to not look back. So, Jeff quickly grabbed a cab, headed to the hospital, and the game continued. Here's to free healthcare!

Kate and Erin each brought their pugs. Erin's is named D-Bo and he is the cutest thing you have ever seen. He is like 10 years old, has gray hair, and is a little pudgy. He has about 7 chins, buggy eyes, and has this face that just melts your heart. He does the funniest things. He will walk onto the football field and take just one tiny step farther each time Erin says, "D-Bo, you know you can't play football." He will turn around (cause he can't turn only his head very well) and glance at her with a face that just says, "What are you gonna do about it?" Kate's pug is named Zeus and he is young and fit. Two older ladies who were at the park made their way over to the picnic blanket to see the pug play-date and Zeus was wiggling and leaping to get a laugh out of the women. One of the ladies (who was not small herself!) looked at D-Bo and chuckled. She said, "Well you are just old and fat aren't you!" D-Bo looked at the lady and glared. When she tried to pat his head, he just growled at her and showed her his teeth (some missing of course!). It was priceless. High light of the afternoon was when Kate and Permeet when to pick up the food and Erin and Shayne stayed with the dogs. D-Bo was just laying in the sun next to Erin and Zeus bee-bopped over, lifted his leg, and peed right on Erin's picnic blanket. Shayne was rolling with laughter. D-Bo didn't even move. Erin jumped up and started screaming, Shayne grabbed the water to wash the blanket, and D-Bo just laid there and observed this whole thing. Zeus seemed quite pleased with himself.

So, after the game, we had amazing BBQ on the grass and some kind words were said about Jason and Stuart. No one was ready to call it quits so we all got cabs to Notting Hill. What a sight we were on the pub patio: 15 sweaty men in work out clothes, a few footballs, cones, and flags, 6 ladies, two dogs, and one guy with a huge cast. Yes, Jeff came from the hospital to meet us and, not only did he jam his finger, but badly broke it as well. It was a great afternoon filled with lots of laughs and very tired pugs. D-Bo fell asleep in Erin's arms like a little baby - he had a big day.

Lessons Learned: 1) NEVER feed a squirrel, 2) when you think a dog isn't listening...think again, 3) flag football is not for sissies, Jake is COVERED in bruises!

Day #26: The one with the 1:7 ratio

Today we finally had that moment when we both wanted to scream! It was just the perfect storm of frustrating events that had us both needing a London re-group. The mission for Saturday was to book some travel and get out and do something fun. What we neglected to remember was that here, time has a 1:7 ratio - if something takes 1 hour in the states, it takes 7 hours in London.

In the beginning, Jake had taken vacation on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday to make our two bank holiday weekends connect for a total of 11 days off! So, we had quite a bit of time to play with, but knew we needed to be back in London by Thursday so we wouldn't miss the wedding. Yeah, yeah, we know. Most locals are getting out of dodge, but this is history people! Like the photo from yesterday, "Will and Kate 4 Eva!" We were completely open minded about where we wanted to go. Basically, we wanted cheap fares to absolutely anywhere. We started searching for travel rates at about 9:00 am and were cycled through the internet abyss until 4:00 pm. It went something like this...find a city, check Easy Jet, check Ryan Air, check trains, check buses, go back to Easy Jet...find the fare has changed. Find a new city. Check planes, trains, and automobiles....no cheap rates. Find a new city. Check flights, trains, busses, hot air balloons, hang gliders...find cheap rate...no hotels available. AHHHH! On the 105th try, we finally found a great rate to Bordeaux, France. We were so thrilled. We found a great deal on airfare, found a cute and affordable hotel, looked into a rental car - everything was falling into place. So, then we started searching the wineries. They were all closed. Each and every one of them. We don't know how on earth we missed that tiny detail - if Jake had vacation, how did it not occur to us that everyone would have vacation? With blurry vision from the computer screen, we put shoes on and went to get a beer (at this point, a requirement for sanity).

On the way, Shayne tried to make a call on her cell phone and a little message came on telling her it was time to top-up (this means, she was out of money on her prepaid sim card). How could this be? She has only had the phone for a week! We swung into the cell phone store and proceeded to wait for 45 minutes. There were about 15 people waiting and one sales rep (The one beer needed for sanity just went up to two rounds). We finally got to the front and the guy told us that she ran out so quickly because the plan on her phone was proper for international minutes, but each local call was 25 pence A MINUTE! So, she had 270 international minutes remaining, but none for local calling. We asked what the guy could do to help us. Here was his solution: purchase another cell phone, purchase another sim card for local calls, use our original phone for international calls, use the the new cell for local calls, and when we run out of international minutes, switch phones, top up on the original phone, go back to the old phone, and when we run out again, switch back to the new phone. Confused? Yeah, us too. Shayne looked at the guy and said, "Wait, what?" Jake was like, "So, you want us to buy another phone for her?" Let's be honest, Shayne can't keep up with ONE phone - the charging, the voice mails - can you imagine juggling two (with two different numbers mind you!). It was insane. At this point, three beers needed! We walked out of the store and seriously needed a minute. We were both twitching and thinking, "THIS BLASTED COUNTRY!"

The good news is that our evening and night were absolutely wonderful. We strolled through our neighborhood, found a bril. (brilliant) new pub, and had an amazing dinner. On the menu: fried camenbert and chutney (yes, we said fried camenbert), mussels for Shayne, and stuffed chicken for Jake. The restaurant was beautiful and quaint and, after venting our frustration, a few laughs about the 1:7 ratio, a couple of drinks, and a London re-group, we were reminded how lucky we feel to be here! London crisis #1...averted.

The solution to our travel dilemma: Jake is going to work those three days and tack them onto a weekend in June. We are going to do Bordeax when the wineries are up and running! The weekend after the wedding, we have plans to go to Salisbury and Bath, two small towns in western and southern England.

Lesson's learned: 1) Back holidays in Europe are 4-REAL - assume that everything will be closed, 2) If you need help in a cell phone store, ask yourself, 3) There is nothing that a good laugh, a great meal, and a re-group won't fix.

Days #1-25: The one with the photos!

Well, it's official - we know how to post pictures! So, feast your eyes on some of the highlights from our first few weeks. If you want to view them in order, start at the bottom - the top ones are the most recent. Enjoy!

*Our first mexican food - courtesy of Mama Kim's care package from Arizona! We were thrilled!!!

*The best royal wedding merchandise yet!

*More wedding keepsakes!

*Our bedroom

*Our little breakfast nook and kitchen. The fridge is about 4 ft. tall :)

*Home sweet home! Our living room (aka - your bedroom when you come to stay).

*Jake is trying his first sip of real-honest-to-goodness Absinthe.

*Shayne in a cave at Vinopolis.

*Bourough Market

*Stonehenge - life changing!

*The classic London photo.

*On the London Eye - Check out Westminster and Big Ben.

*The crazy skeletal (and amazingly tiny!) creatues at the Saatchi Gallery.

* "A very merry unbirthday to you...to you!"

*Gorgeous sunset over the Thames. We were standing on the Millenium Bridge.

*Shayne in front of St. Paul's cathedral. ''Feed the birds, tuppons a bag."

*Jake and the sea of endless, handmade sunflowers. This is the one when we couldn't get the batteries to work!

Lesson Learned: The photos load in reverse order.